I was going through three major life issues simultaneously (work, friends, family) when and I was having a very difficult time coping with my suffering. I have a great friend and life coach who helped me open up and ask myself “Why do I think that?” Most times it was incorrect mental conditionings and things I was doing that were not serving me well and making me suffer even more. He taught me how to be more present by using Anapana meditation and taught me how to open up spiritually and to be more vulnerable with pure love. It was very wise advice and he helped me very much during a difficult year along with watching Buddhist and Ancient Stoicism videos and reading books. It helped build my moral foundation for my spiritual practice (Sila). The most important thing he did for me though was that he introduced me to the idea of going to sit a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat. He had previously sat in one and told me that it was the root of ending all of my suffering without having to read 100 books on psychology or select another 20 hobbies and projects I would work on simultaneously to keep my mind busy.
I must admit that the first thought of sitting in a Dhamma Hall for 10 days straight with no talking sounded like a completely unachievable task for me to complete. I am a very talkative and social person and I had concerns about the vegetarian food and back pain from sitting on cushions for hours. I had lots of aversion to going. He didn’t force me though, he just kept nudging me and feathering me for about 6 months on how the fixes I am doing are just coping mechanisms and not getting to the root. Kept telling me that he knew the most gentle way for me to know the truth would be this 10-day session.
I was soo ready for a path to end my suffering that I convinced myself that I needed to give this a try. I signed up and took the course over Thanksgiving week to minimize days off of work.Boy was he right! I had an amazing retreat where I learned so much about how humbling it is do not have all of the comforts and ‘control’ that we normally would have over food, schedule, talking, and but it helped me realize that they are all unnecessary. We only need food, water, shelter and love. I learned that I, just like many other people, have bad habits that don’t serve us best. It wastes our time and money. Basically desires. When I desire self-perfection. I suffer. When I desire anything to be the way I want it to be. I suffer. I believe that something magical happened during that sit where I just understood the nature of impermanence and I sat there and realized how thoughts in my head just come and go and we don’t have to react to those thoughts and we don’t have to take action and we can just observe and be present. It was such an amazing experience that I don’t think could have happened without getting away for a minimum of 7 days. It was around the 7th day that I started to have my breakthrough moments. During the experience. I had no idea the wisdom that I had gained for that time until after I left the 10 day sit and had a few weeks to process everything. It has completely changed my life, I meditate daily, and I am returning the 4th of July weekend to the meditation center for 10 days days, but this time I will be serving as I want to experience being able to help others with their meditation practice and keep the dhamma center donation based and running great!